Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Chicken woes

If there is anything in this horrible world that is grosser than rectovaginal fistulas as a product of violent sexual assault or sitting next to someone who is vomiting into a barf bag, it's the "grilled chicken" you can order at cheap restaurants in Japan. Shit on me all you want for giving Joyfull and Big Boy my business - you and I both know that even Friendly's and Denny's have proper chicken back in the U.S.

Boy oh boy I could just heave up everything I've ever eaten ever just thinking about how fucking foul the chicken I had for dinner was. Imagine a slab of succulent, low-fat, lean, skinless white meat chicken breast, perhaps grilled to the point of browning on the outside and firm enough that a knife is required to cut it. Now imagine the complete OPPOSITE of that.

The meat is all dark - hardly preferable but still edible right - wrong. The dark meat is what ribeye steak defenders would call "marbled" with fat, so it is pretty much impossible to separate food from fat. The skin remains, which would be fine except it is approaching ONE CENTIMETER THICK and completely taints the flavor of the cheese and sauce sitting on top of it. I believe the preferred term is "Juicy" for this kind of chicken, and juicy it is - juicy with GLOBULES OF FAT, as well as the extra saliva that comes when you are about to toss your cookies.

Remember how I mentioned that tasty lean chicken breast requiring a knife? The chicken I had for dinner tonight could have been eaten with CHOPSTICKS, as there was so much fat that it simply fell apart with the slightest pressure from the edge of my fork. Chewing was an adventure - which soft globule or rubbery cartilage bit would trigger my gag reflex next? The potential extra burst of tasty flavor from regular chicken skin failed miserably; everything just tasted like oily fat.

Seriously, and I do NOT joke about food, when it comes to my 2-week trip home this summer, the thing I'm most excited about is eating REAL, PROPER chicken. There should not be a pile of reeking fat on your plate when you are eating chicken breast, and your body should not violently reject said chicken before it can even be digested.


  1. ugh. Thanks for letting me know. Can you at least buy chicken in the store and make it for yourself at home at all?

  2. Where were you eating?

    Best way to get chicken is to get the whole chicken and cook it yourself. There are some nice free range ones down here in Miyazaki, no one can get them now that we have the plague of course....


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