Saturday, December 26, 2009

childhood diaries, big laughs

At the risk of my own neck, I am posting an excerpt from my Minnie Mouse diary of yesteryear in which I fantasize wildly about slaying my gym teacher.

May 21, 1995

Dear Diary,
Crap, shit, fuck, ass, bitch, bloody, hell, poop, brain infected, butt sniffing, bubble butt, fart factory, BLIP! I hate school! I wish Mr. ***** would spontaneously combust and get electrocuted by the devil! I wish he would go through the worst agony ever! I hope he was killed by the Unabomber! I'm not sorry at all. He hurt me, and now I want him to die in pain and go to hell, and take ***** with him! I wish he'd drop dead, and I hope he's having a heart attack! I want him to get beaten up and tortured till he dies! I hope I never see him again! I'd like him to retch the rest of his life! I wanna kill 'im! I hope right now, there is a dagger in his throat! I hope he dies right now! I hope he is burned up and the ashes are destroyed! I hope he has A-bombs exploding in his house now! I hope his family escapes but he is trapped! I hope no one gives him the least bit of mercy! I want him to be whipped and cut up and made into man stew by Friday and Robinson [Crusoe]! I hope his funeral is cancelled, and people make fun of his tombstone & he breaks every bone in his burning body! I hope he's dead already! I laugh at his death!!



Merry Christmas everyone!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

christmas cards

One of life's little joys is making Christmas cards for my friends. This year I have quite a few to make. I have a ton of material sitting around the house so I'm trying to make them as interesting as possible. I actually made a special trip to the 100 yen store to pick up markers, glitter glue pens, envelopes, paper, and tape. Coupled with the quality Christmas music I've recently acquired, I've been quite happy in welcoming December. It's already December! Can you believe it?

I'm headed home in 16 days. Mentally, I've already checked out so to speak. I have visions of being bundled up at airports, hitting up favorite spots like P.F. Chang's Colonie Center and Wolf Road Starbucks, and wailing at Bourbon Street karaoke for my birthday party. Laugh all you want - I'm thinking I want Americanized Japanese food for my birthday dinner.

Oh, and when I got home from work today someone had put up barbed wire by my balcony. I'd like to see you get past that, wall-scaling pervert!